Lyrics & Music
Operator: “Genocide hotline. What’s the problem?”
Caller 1: “I’m at the end of my rope. I’m so depressed. I just want to blow my head off and…”
Operator: “Sir, do you want to just blow off your head or say an entire race of heads?”
Caller 1: “Uh, well just mine…”
Operator: “You’re looking for the suicide hotline. This is the genocide hotline.”
Caller 1: “Oh, I’m so sorry…”
Operator: “Genocide hotline. What’s the problem?”
Caller 2: “I’m gonna kill my father. He’s beaten and molested me since I was five and now he got my little sister pregnant and…”
Operator: “Sir, do you want to kill just your father or say everybody’s father?”
Caller 2: “Just mine you idiot!”
Operator: “You’re looking for the patricide hotline. This is the genocide hotline.”
Caller 2: “Thanks for the help – idiot!”
Operator: “Genocide hotline. What’s the problem?”
Caller 3: “I want to kill the king, that tyrannical beast of a man…”
Operator: “Sir do you want to kill just that king or all kings?”
Caller 3: “I’m not sure. How much does it pay?”
Operator: “You’re looking for the regicide hotline. This is the genocide hotline.”
Operator: “Genocide hotline. What’s the problem?”
Caller 4: “My son killed himself after talking to a hotline operator. I could kill ALL OF YOU!”
Operator: “Fantastic! You want to kill all the hotline operators or just…”
Caller 4: “Yes, all of you bastards! You worthless slobs! He was so upset and…”