Xavier Xerxes indie, 1996

This bugger is an ambitious 14-track one-man project by guitarist/bassist Xavier Xerxes. The Web site (http://www.xavier-xerxes.com) boldly declares the CD full of "awesome heavy metal guitar work, solid rhythms, clever bass lines, (and) clear clean vocals". Turns out, all of this is true. But, to me the album comes off more like a guitarist's resume or a collection of demos than an actual album of songs. Pretty much every track is packed to the gills with frenetic, Vinnie Vincent-style lead guitar, barely audible bass, and a thin voice singing goofy lyrics. The Web site says the lyrics are based on "puns, oxymorons, nonsense, and physics..."; I'd say nonsense is the most prevalent: "We got Neptune tapioca dwarves attacking atomic cereal bowls" is from "Huh?" and "Why isn't this guy plaid? / Are we here yet?" from "Why Can't I Ask Questions?". While the lyrics and vocals are obviously secondary to the music, and they are intended to be goofy, they can be distracting. (But the funniest song is "Genocide Hotline", where callers to a crisis hotline get hung up on because their problems aren't genocidal.) Musically, there are instrumentals with some real promise. "Xerx Me" has a certain Queensryche-ian eerieness and would make for excellent credit music in a horror film; "Fear Itself" has that cool deep guitar tone last heard on Metallica's MASTER OF PUPPETS and sounds a bit like a demented version of the Van Halen instrumental "1984"; and "KRAZ" mixes nifty distortion akin to Accept's "Neon Nights" from RESTLESS AND WILD with a driving beat similar to Nine Inch Nail's "Head Like A Hole". In short, some heavy metal band looking for a lead guitarist should give ol' Xavier a call. E-mail xx@xavier-xerxes.com for more.

-Tim Wadzinski

The Xavier Xerxes CD is pure ridiculous noise! It sickened me to have to sit through nearly sixty minutes of a biting heavy metal guitar doing all kinds of fast unpredictable runs while putting up with lyrics that were clearly written by a psychotic maniac who should be locked up in a rubber room! There is no point in putting your ears through the agony of listening to such meaningless mayhem filled with rhythms that are lively enough to make old ladies "mosh". As soon as the first track, "Hell Toupee", was starting, I knew that this was just another stinking heavy metal CD that was going to rattle my cage. It was even worse than I expected. Why, back in my day we had nice songs and nice music, but none of that on the Xavier Xerxes CD. I urge all who read this to prevent you and your children from exposure to the Xavier Xerxes CD and all other wild, out of control heavy metal!

-Grumpy Old Man

The Xavier Xerxes CD is the finest hour of music ever recorded! Xavier Xerxes rules the universe! There should be nothing so exalted on the face of Earth than the Xavier Xerxes CD! The music on the Xavier Xerxes CD is the powerful, deep, imaginative work of a musical genius! Xavier Xerxes is THE heavy metal guitar virtuoso! If you consider yourself a rocker or heavy metal maniac, you MUST own the Xavier Xerxes CD! The Xavier Xerxes CD is MANDATORY for ALL who ROCK! Buy the Xavier Xerxes CD NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Obsessed Fan #734.098