Oddball

(Lyrics and Music)

(I hear this guy is a real oddball.)

I crawled 500 miles with my turn signal on.
My head was missing, I thought it was gone.
All the Chris’ were crossed, all the crosses were crissin’.
You don’t know what you’ve lost ’till you’ve lost what your missin’.

The Rolling Stones were out gathering moss.
We need to find a market for used dental floss.
I killed three stones with just one bird.
I spoke a thousand pictures with just one word. (I wonder what word that could possibly be.)

I spent all night looking for my eyes.
Found them in a mirror, much to my surprise.
I saw this old baby burning some water.
The nuclide decayed and became his daughter.

I talked to the robot who won the human race.
He hosed the competition down with mace. (Ouch!)
I turned a million in real estate to 50 bucks in cash.
Blew it on a spicy night with Mrs. Dash. (Who’s that? Did I have a good time? I don’t remember that.)

How many tennis shoes does an elephant sneeze by noon?
Three times the acceleration of gravity of cartoons.
All the chimneys were hung by the stockings with care.
I can’t remember if I wore underwear. (Watch that zipper!)

The moment of inertia was taking too long,
So I drove the speed of light and turned my headlights on.
The time dilation delayed my aging.
My mass increased as my shortened car was raging! (Note: Special Relativity is applied, but the mass of the car and I would approach infinity as the speed of light was approached.)

Three times ten to the eighth meters per second. (Note: This is the speed of light in a vacuum – not a vacuum cleaner of course – unless the vacuum cleaner is in a vacuum…)
Let’s go faster now.

-Solo-

My frictionless pulley had to be lubed.
I never got my thermal detachment tube.
I’m not as old as I used to be.
I’m $19.95, I don’t want to be free.

Now is the time for exact change.
The ranger will arrange to rearrange the range.
I called myself up on the telephone. (Hello?)
My friend borrowed my money to make me a loan. (Your loan is approved.)

(This guy is definitely an oddball.)

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Xavier Xerxes: Xavier Xerxes